Sunday, November 05, 2006


You're not going to believe this. This is a relation concerning office management realities that sound too bad to be true. I guarantee that all these verbographs are true. I have heard them all over 30 years of human resources experience.

He's been with the company for 25 years.
She's the founder's wife, so we humor her. ($100,000 p/yr. joke)
They're illegal, but they work hard.
She doesn't make that many mistakes. We can usually catch them.
The vendor charges more than we like, but we've been doing business for years.
The vendor (same) won't come out to fix or replace our computer because he has too much work.
She does excellent work when she's here.
I keep her for humanitarian reasons.
I miss a lot of work because my son has to use the car.
I didn't tell you that he was taking the money because I thought you would fire me.
We weren't being harassed, we liked it and we were having fun.
Is this the first report you have of his harassing female employees? No. It's the third time.
We're going to make 'em work on Friday even if it is a holiday. It's not a big, important one anyway.
If you don't like it, sue us. (They did. The Company lost. Oops, there goes $5 million)
OSHA ? Tell 'em to get lost. We're busy. They should make an appointment. ("They" did) The appointment hasn't ended yet.
We don't hire their kind here. (Now they don't hire anyone, they're in prison.)
It's OK, you can sign it. If they want their money, they can sue us.
I thought it would be OK to be late for the interview.
I can't fire him, he's black.
Hire her, we need more white people here.
I don't care if we have no designated parking, put my name on the closest parking space.
I don't care if the new owners are coming, this is my vacation time.
You promised me a bonus. I want it. (He caused a $2 million loss)
We hired her to help you. (I quit, she lasted 4 months)
He drinks a lot, but that's how he functions best.
Why did you hire someone as ugly as her?
I'm just testing her by taking more and more responsibilities away from her.

Trust me, I didn't make any of this stuff up.