Sunday, August 25, 2013


Stick with me here, you'll see
I want to present a plan that will surely free many people from the devilish dungeon of falling deeper and deeper into debt.
My plan is also sure to rescue many more people from the clutches of the avaricious, loan purveyors who tend to make Shakespeare's Shylock look like a kindly grandfather.
We live in a society that doesn't thrive on logic.  It thrives instead on a well devised system of usury, designed to circumvent whatever laws that could be in place to prevent it.  I, however have discovered how to use the "Shylock-ness" of the system against it.
Remember the two prongs of the proposition:
Rescue borrowers from Debt <<<<>>>>Crush the Debtors

It dawned on me the other day.  A few years back, I received a phone call from a sweet, smooth, youthful female voice, lightly sprinkled with aromatic curry, but mellifluously cadenced.  The voice was explaining to me that if I didn't pay $ X00.00 before 
"0A/0B/CCCC" I would be reported to all major credit bureaux and my credit would thereafter be negatively impacted.  I responded to the sweet cadence with a quick, sharp bistouri monosyllabic ripost that I had no positive credit rating already, so she could go soak her head in the Ganges for all I cared.  I told her that her employer would get his money, and then some because of the penalties, which sums would go toward paying her paltry wages.
Goodbye, sweetie.
But, the conspiracy plan hit me just the other day.  I don't know why it took so long.
The lenders can be killed by their very own "security."
Here's how it goes:
I have 6 outstanding credit accounts that I have to pay into every month.
You have 6 such accounts.
We all have 6 such accounts.
We all behave such that we don't impoverish ourselves by driving up too many late fees, but just enough so that the plan can work and we get "reported" to the credit police.
So now, after a short while, we all have such low credit scores, say 150, for example, that no one will lend to us.
So we have now satisfied all our late fees and we are back on the minimum payment level.  It is important to drag this out for as long as possible.  While we have at least one such minimum payment as an obligation, no one will lend us anything.
So now we are, at best, on a debit card basis, and at worst, a cash only basis.  But, the lenders are making less and less money.  No more late fees, declining interest payments and, by their very own rules, declining loan approvals.  Yeah, the creeps are in trouble and they are dying by their very own criminal tool, the credit bureau.  
Then, here's the great schadenfreude moment.  It starts with the glossy mail offer to raise our credit.  Wwhhhrrrrrrrrr, shredder. After so many of those, here comes the slick snake oil telephone call.  I know, I've had this pleasure a couple of times.  
Oil Can Harry:  "We can get you a credit card rate of 5% plus a 2% rewards program."
Yours Truly, Krusty Kurmujjin:  "Get lost idiot.  Can't you see that my credit score is 150?"
OCH:  "Oh, you have such a wonderful payment record that we can make an exception."
YT, KK:  "Good.  I got only two more payments to make and then maybe you'll get laid off because there'll be no more income."
OCH:  Oh, don't worry, that won't happen."
YT, KK:  "Dream on, Bucko, I got friends.  The fact that you're calling means that we are winning.  Bye, now, Sweetheart."
See, that's how it works.  I think we can win this war.  Kill 'em with their own sword.