Friday, February 06, 2015


I keep getting these moronic emails that keep yelling at people to learn to speak English.
To all you sweethearts out there who want to force anyone in the United States to speak English, there will have to be a law that allows you to apply that force.  So far, you're out of luck because the United States has no law defining an official national language.
Then, all of you bright luminaries don't think of the many variations of "standard" English that you have to choose from.  Which one(s) are you going to allow to exist here in the United States before you start arresting people for not speaking the legal form of English?
Think of it as an expression of our highly touted freedom. Yes, indeed.  We are free to do so many things.  We are free to move around at any time of day or night; free to stand on a street corner alone or in a group of five or fifteen; free to write nasty things about our government; free to say nasty things about the government in public; free to espouse the religion of our choice; free to marry the person with whom we are in love, even one who does not speak English for crying out loud!  Maybe worse yet, one who only knows how to speak Nigerian English.  Oh, pain and suffering! I've been living with a loving spouse who only knows Filipino English!  My children are irreparably damaged by the mental confusion caused by this horrible disability.  They may not even be truly American with this built-in speech warp!  
And what about me?  I was reprimanded the other day for a translation from French to English because it was rejected for being US English instead of UK English. That ignorance took $50 out of my wallet!  
So, all you freedom lovers out there, just what version of the English language are you going to legislate for our fair country?  Will my Scottish friend have to fear imprisonment for his total inability to speak US English?  What's going to happen to his freedom of expression?
So, dear linguists, enjoy the freedom that you have to write what you want about the language(s) we speak or don't speak in this country.  As for me I am going to speak whatever language it takes for me to get fed and/or find my way to the men's room.

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